Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
