We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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