Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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