Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
