Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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