Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
