I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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