I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
