I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
