your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
