when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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