Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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