Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
