I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
