She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
