remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
