he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
