You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
