Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
