You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
