the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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