I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
