i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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