so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I understand Curling. That high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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