I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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