had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
