never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
