Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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