I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
