Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize