WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
