3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
