you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
