I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
