if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
