Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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