i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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