i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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