If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
