I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize