Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
