she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
