I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
