Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
