I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm having to shit out rocks
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