that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
