I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
