Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I sprained my soul last night
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.