4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn