she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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