if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week