I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.