i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof