my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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