I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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