1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
