he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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