my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
