similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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