but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it because I queefed?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
