It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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