We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
