theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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