I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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