My hand turned me down
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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