Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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