Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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