I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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