1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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