whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
