Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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