and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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