i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
