This is not my ceiling
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
